All Things Sex
Sex is one of the most human things we experience—and somehow also one of the least talked about in honest, grounded ways. For something so central to connection, pleasure, identity, and vulnerability, many of us were given very little language for it beyond silence, shame, or rigid rules.
At its core, sex isn’t just about bodies. It’s about connection, communication, curiosity, and consent. It’s about how we relate to ourselves and to others. And it looks different for everyone.
Consent: More Than a Yes or No
Consent isn’t a one-time checkbox or a legal script. It’s an ongoing, living conversation. It’s about paying attention—to words, body language, energy, and timing. Consent can change. It can be enthusiastic one day and hesitant the next. It can be withdrawn at any point.
Real consent is rooted in safety and respect, not pressure or obligation. When consent is clear, sex becomes less about performance and more about presence.
Boundaries Are a Kindness
Boundaries often get a bad reputation, as if they limit intimacy. In reality, boundaries are what make intimacy possible. Knowing your limits—and being able to express them—creates trust. It allows people to relax and show up more fully.
Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re information. They can include physical limits, emotional needs, pacing, aftercare, privacy, and communication preferences. And they can evolve as you learn more about yourself.
Likes, Dislikes, and the Space In Between
You’re allowed to know what you enjoy. You’re also allowed to not know yet.
Sexual preferences aren’t fixed personality traits—they’re shaped by experience, safety, curiosity, and self-trust. Some people have clear likes and dislikes. Others discover them slowly through exploration. Both are normal. What matters isn’t fitting a label, but listening to your body and honoring what feels right for you.
Honesty Builds Safety
Honesty in sex doesn’t mean oversharing or having all the answers. It means being real about your needs, your uncertainty, your desires, and your limits. It means naming things like:
“I’m curious but nervous.”
“I don’t like that, but I might like this.”
“I need to slow down.”
Honesty creates emotional safety, which often leads to deeper physical connection.
Exploration Without Shame
Curiosity is not a flaw—it’s a natural part of being human. For some people, exploration happens within monogamous relationships. For others, it may include ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, kink, or BDSM.
These experiences are not about being reckless or avoidant. When practiced with intention, they’re built on communication, consent, and responsibility. Ethical non-monogamy and polyamory often require a high level of emotional awareness—talking openly about needs, jealousy, time, and care. Love and desire don’t always follow neat rules, and many people find relief in naming that truth.
BDSM, Kink, and Trust
Kink and BDSM are often misunderstood because they challenge mainstream ideas about sex and power. In reality, these dynamics are frequently rooted in deep trust, clear communication, and negotiated consent. Power is not taken—it’s offered.
For some people, kink is playful or erotic. For others, it’s grounding, connective, or even healing. Structure, ritual, and agreed-upon roles can create a sense of safety that allows vulnerability to emerge.
There is nothing inherently unhealthy about consensual kink. Like any sexual expression, what matters is intention, communication, and care.
Sex as Connection
Sex can be playful, tender, intense, awkward, healing, messy, joyful, or all of the above. It can be about pleasure, bonding, expression, stress release, or closeness. Sometimes it’s deeply emotional; sometimes it’s just fun. Sometimes it changes as life changes.
Ashlyn Hawkins, LMFTA
There’s no single way sex is supposed to look. When approached with curiosity, care, and compassion, sex becomes less about getting it “right” and more about relating—to yourself and to others—in honest and meaningful ways.
Your desires, questions, boundaries, and experiences are part of your humanity. They don’t need to be minimized, hidden, or justified. They just need space to be understood.
And that space matters.
This piece was written by Ashlyn Hawkins, LMFTA. Ashlyn sees couples, polycules, individuals, kinksters, vanillas, queers, straights, and everyone in between for virtual therapy sessions. Ashlyn isn’t afraid of talking about sex with her clients, nor is she afraid of addressing relational conflict.
Ashlyn can take most BCBS, Aetna, Medcost, or Ambetter insurance plans.
To learn more and to reach out to Ashlyn directly, click here.
