Meet Our Newest Therapist, Tamar Back, M.Ed., LCSWA! by Jamie Brazell

Tamar Back, M.Ed., LCSWA

photo credit: Jacqueline Franquez

I am delighted to introduce our newest therapist, Tamar Back. 

Tamar and I first met over a year ago when she reached out to express interest in Out of the Woods Therapy. Since then we have been plotting and planning for her to join the team and now she’s officially ready to take new clients! 

In my experience with Tamar, I’ve found her to be a fantastic listener who leads with curiosity and a soft, yet confident presence.

She’s excited to work with adult individuals as well as couples, poly-relational clients, and even has this super cool idea of offering therapy for friendships. (Like couples therapy…but for besties).

Tamar graduated from the same Master’s program in Human Sexuality as I had several years prior. I fully and shamelessly admit that I was very excited to talk with another Widener graduate who was interested in moving to Asheville. Tamar completed the dual degree program and earned an MSW in addition to the M.Ed. 

Tamar also grew up in my home state of New Jersey - although I am from the south in the Pine Barrens and Tamar is from the northern part of the Garden State. I was so excited to meet her because of some of the things we shared in common and because her resume displayed an obvious interest in sex therapy, experience as a sex educator for Planned Parenthood, abortion doula, experience helping people navigate sex and sexuality through a cancer diagnosis, pelvic pain, and more. 

Tamar’s availability is pretty rad, too. Lots of clients are looking for evening and weekend options and that can be challenging to find.

Tamar will soon be able to take BCBS insurance, but in the meantime she can accept clients at a private pay rate. Feel free to learn about Tamar in her own words and send an email or appointment request directly from her profile here.

Vulva Pain: A Very Common Unwanted Sexual Experience by Jamie Brazell

One of the many reasons I became a sex therapist is because I felt inspired to help survivors of unwanted sexual experiences based on my work as a rape crisis counselor twenty years ago.

I started using the phrase “unwanted sexual experiences” to include everything from sexual harassment to unwanted physical experiences. This language covers a lot of ground and I quickly learned that vulva pain is definitely on the list for many people. 

Me: “Have you ever experienced what you’d call an unwanted sexual experience?”

Many of my clients: “Yes - every time I have sex, my vulva hurts. I’d call that unwanted.”

Like far too many chronic pain conditions, vulva pain is often misdiagnosed (or not diagnosed) and patients who seek help at their doctor’s offices are dismissed with the following statement: “Everything looks normal; it must be in your head.”

Pain is a signal that calls (or screams) a need to tend to our body in some way. When we have providers who dismiss us, when we are misdiagnosed, and when we carry on for years without tending to our bodies because we have believed what we’re told by physicians, this can lead to further complications of the condition, the self-esteem, and can impact relationships. 

Yes - sometimes my friends make fun of me for my “leisurely” reading, but what can I say? I love my work.

I read a book on the beach several years ago called “Healing Painful Sex” and must have thrown it across the sand like three times in anger because it included so many stories of patients who were dismissed by their doctors that sounded all-too familiar. A lot of the book discusses ways in which patients can advocate for themselves with their doctors, describes specific diagnoses of vulva pain, and normalizes the dismissive experiences and frustration that comes along with seeking treatment. The book is co-authored by a therapist and her doctor who treated her for vulva pain.

As I gained experience as a sex therapist, I was shocked to learn that most gynecologists have zero training in sex education. (Same goes for urologists, too, by the way). They are often very focused on reproductive health and less concerned or knowledgable about many of the factors that impact sexual functioning.

One of my clients reported to me that she shared with her mother that she was in treatment for vulva pain, explaining to her what this involved, and her mother said to her, “You mean sex isn’t supposed to hurt?”

This absolutely broke my heart. It also made sense. Many of us are taught to expect sex to hurt and then this is never discussed again. 

It’s hard to find conversations about vulva pain and it can be difficult to talk about one’s own experiences. By the time someone comes to my office, believing a story that it’s all in their head and they want some help dealing with anxiety, they have often been to multiple providers who have reinforced this story.

It can be challenging to convince someone with this story to go see another doctor, but I am so very grateful to have partnered with providers in the community who are knowledgable about diagnosing and treating vulva pain conditions. Dr. Kiran Sigmon, one of my favorite local heroes, runs the Vulvar Pain Clinic at MAHEC - where she teaches OB/GYN residents things that most of their peers do not learn in other programs. She has regularly invited Heather Edwards (AASECT certified sex counselor, pelvic physical therapist, and sex educator who created the local event Vino & Vulvas) and I to teach her residents sex education each year for the past several years. We have worked closely together over the years and have shared dozens of patients with vulva pain. 

I am also incredibly grateful for my dear friend and colleague Aleece Fosnight (PA and owner of the Fosnight Center for Sexual Health here in Asheville) because she is the only medical professional in western North Carolina who is thoroughly trained in sexual medicine and she opened an incredible practice that serves ALL bodies and addresses a variety of sexual health concerns. 

It can be daunting for a person who experiences vulva pain to seek treatment - especially if they have tried and have been unsuccessful. What will happen? What if it really is “in my head?” 

Does sexual activity hurt any part of your vulva area? Does it hurt (or is it even impossible) to use a tampon? 

If this is you and you’d like to try again to get help (or try for the first time if you are just realizing that this is a thing), check out the following resources and know that you are not alone, it’s not just “all in your head,” and you have every right to feel pissed off at our health”care” system. 

Therapists in our practice who have openings here.

Also check out options for therapists in our community here. Scroll to the bottom of the page for additional providers (Pelvic Physical Therapists - who are often a major part of the treatment plan). 

The Fosnight Center for Sexual Health

Dr. Kiran Sigmon - leader of the Vulvar Pain Clinic at MAHEC

The National Vulvodynia Association

“Healing Painful Sex: A Woman’s Guide to Confronting, Diagnosing, and Treating Sexual Pain” by Deborah Cody and Nancy Fish* 

*This book is geared towards cis-women. I’d love to see a book that focuses on vulva pain more specifically for folks who are gender-nonconforming/non-binary, trans, queer. If anyone knows of such a resource, please send me an email about it! 

Meet Wendy Eliot, LCMHCA (by Jamie Brazell)

Wendy and I met several years ago when she reached out to me as a student. “I would love to have a conversation with you to find out how I can do what you do.”

To be honest - I really love it when I get emails like this. I’ve met with many aspiring therapists or therapists who aspire to be sex therapists over the years. It feels great to talk about how much I love this work and to share the enthusiasm with like-minded people. I’m a bit sad that in more recent days I don’t have as much time to devote to these meetings. I’ve done so many of them that I frequently don’t remember who I’ve met with (and I do feel embarrassed to admit that).

Wendy Eliot (she/her), photo credit: Jacqueline Franquez

Wendy really stood out to me though. We spent a lot of time together when we first met in my office. I felt very at ease in her presence and there is something about her temperament that reminds me of my very first childhood best friend. She embodies the kind of calm, nonjudgemental presence and curious approach that I find to be essential qualities for a therapist.

Wendy kept in touch with me over the years - occasionally sending me an email to update me on her therapy school journey and practicum experience. She completed a large part of her training at the local rape crisis organization - Our Voice - where she had the opportunity so serve survivors of unwanted sexual experiences and develop skills in trauma-informed care.

Wendy and I agreed to meet up again to catch up over the summer and before we knew it we were having a job interview. I’m thrilled that Wendy has joined our team and feel confident that her experiences in life, her enthusiasm for the craft of therapy, and interest in becoming a certified sex therapist will serve our community very well.

Wendy will soon be able to take BCBS insurance, but in the meantime she can accept clients at a private pay rate. Feel free to learn about Wendy in her own words and send an email or appointment request directly from her profile here.

Meet Chelsea Sokolow, LCSWA! (by Jamie Brazell)

Chelsea Sokolow, LCSWA

Many therapists in this town are in the habit of doing a lot of networking with other therapists. While this word - networking - can carry a negative feeling for a lot of people, what it tends to look like for us is a lot more casual and often one-on-one.

I met Chelsea (she/they) for what was supposed to be a “networking” meeting after we were introduced by another clinician whom I deeply admire and respect. I had no idea that our meeting would turn into a job interview.

As I have mentioned before in prior blog posts, one thing I look for when hiring a new therapist to this practice is someone I would want to see myself for therapy. Chelsea is most definitely an obvious fit for our team.

Chelsea is absolutely brilliant, relatable, extremely easy to talk with, diligent about communication, and such a deeply kind, open-hearted human. Chelsea fits in with the values of our practice so well that I am confident that it will take no time at all to feel like this delightful therapist has been with us from the start. 

Our community need for sex-positive, queer-friendly, intersectional-feminist informed therapy feels ever-growing as we navigate what feels like continuous trauma in the collective culture. It deeply saddens me that there is only so much that we can do with the many broken systems that we face in our world. It also fills me with pride and gratitude when I know I have added someone to our team who so strongly exemplifies the mission and values of this practice. 

Learn more about Chelsea and send an email or appointment request here.

Chelsea can currently accept individual therapy clients, from age 13 and up, for private pay. We are waiting for approval for Chelsea to take BCBS insurance in the near future. 

Chelsea’s services are also available in Spanish. :) 

Reflections on National Vagina Appreciation Day (by Amanda Stem)

While scrolling Instagram, I stopped at a post about “National Vagina Appreciation Day,” (April 23rd). Yay, my vagina has its very own day! Before hitting “add post to story,” I decided to take another look at the photo. It was a pretty pink vulva accompanied by a floral arrangement with parts identifiers in delicate lettering (think mons pubis in a modern garden). Cute. 

Wait. 

Vulvas and vaginas aren’t these delicate, flowery pillows that society - with the demand and wealth of the patriarchy - have spent decades, centuries making them out to be. Vulvas and vaginas do things like: 

• Shed an organ on a regular basis

• Have their own unique ecosystem with secretions and bacteria (lactobacilli)

• Serve as home to the only body part meant for pleasure and nothing else (the almighty clitoris)

Some vaginas rip and get shredded while ejecting another human, and in its natural state, the vulva is meant to be covered in coarse, rough hair as a first line of defense. 

Vulvas and vaginas are metal AF. 

This isn’t meant to dismantle anyone’s own personal ideas about their vulva and vagina. This is a shout out to the people in the back - those whose personal stories about their vulvas and vaginas aren’t represented in our society. To the trans men who are vulva and vagina owners, trans women who have had vaginoplasties, the folx out there whose vulvas and vaginas are in pain or a source of shame, y’all who let your pubic hair grow freely, the vulvas that are aging, and anyone who doesn’t see their vagina at a garden party, you are seen. 

While this is a shout out, it’s also a call to action for widening our preconceptions of who is and isn’t a vulva and vagina owner. Inclusivity can quite literally save lives. Inclusivity means people of all genders who are vulva and vagina owners can be safer in accessing healthcare services, people with vulva pain won’t be dismissed for having a true condition and have to wait years for the appropriate care, people of older ages won’t be overlooked as a human with reproductive organs and/or genitals that still need healthcare, and so much more. If you know a person with a vulva and vagina or provide care for people with vulvas and vaginas, this is for you (pretty much everyone). 

So as we admire the power of vulvas and vaginas every year on April 23rd, and each day in between, let us not think of feminine, small, and tight but instead strong, rugged, supple, and resilient.

Recommended reading:

The Vagina Bible by Jen Gunter, MD 

Amanda (she/her) is a psychotherapist with Out Of The Woods Therapy.

Click here to learn more about her therapy. When not in session, Amanda enjoys reading, running, and being a part of a cuddle puddle with 2 cats and an 11 month old.

Meet Jessamyn Weis, LCSWA! (by Jamie Brazell)

Have you ever met someone who seems so comfortable within themselves that they immediately put you at ease? That’s how I felt when I met Jessamyn Weis (she/they) - our newest therapist at Out of the Woods Therapy. I am so happy to welcome our newest team member and so grateful for the practice we are building together.

Jessamyn Weis, LCSWA, photo credit: Rose Lambert-Sluder

When I interact with another therapist, I can’t help but imagine how it might feel to be their client. Jessamyn’s bright smile radiates kindness, making it easy to connect right away. They are patient, thoughtful, incredibly sincere, and great at tracking in conversation - which are all fantastic skills for a therapist. When I am in the presence of Jessamyn, I feel seen, heard, and understood…even through a computer screen. 

Jessamyn values a person-centered, collaborative approach to their therapy practice. Jessamyn draws from an intersectional-feminist approach, has deep awareness of their own privilege, and clearly wants to use their power for creating peace and goodness in the world. 

Jessamyn is currently accepting new clients for individual therapy and is looking forward to expanding to couples and relational work in the near future. They are in the process of being able to accept BCBS and Aetna insurances and can currently accept private pay. 

Like all of us, Jessamyn is currently providing therapy services through tele-health by using our HIPPA-compliant cloud based software system. This makes therapy more accessible and safe - especially during COVID times. We all look forward to the day when we can be together in person again.

Jessamyn also looks forward to providing group educational/therapeutic sessions on mindfulness and other exciting topics in the near future.

Learn about Jessamyn in their own words, send an email, or send a schedule request here. 

Meet Amanda Stem, LCSWA, LCASA (by Jamie Brazell)

I am very excited to introduce Amanda Stem, LCSWA, LCASA (she/her), our newest therapist! 

Amanda in the wild

(Girona, Spain)

Amanda has come to us with incredible experience working with vulnerable populations and brings humanity and heart to her connections. She has a passion for providing care for folx needing perinatal care and offers a touching and beautiful perspective in her approach that you can read about here. 

My experience of Amanda is that she is warm, kind, bright, and energetic. She has a genuineness about her that I find refreshing and being in her presence (even through a screen) makes me feel at ease. 

Amanda was described by people who were more familiar with her work in similar terms that matched my experience with her, but also I had been told multiple times that she is “very receptive to feedback.” This might not sound like a big deal to some people, but I find it to be a very valuable quality that stands out. 

We want therapists on our team who reflect values of integrity, empathy, and accountability. Someone who is open and receptive to feedback is someone I am excited to know.   Empathy and accountability are pathways to healthy relationships and being open to feedback means that a person has the ego strength to show up for their relationships in a meaningful and healthy way. 

Amanda is currently able to accept BCBS and is in the process of becoming contracted with Aetna. She is also available to see private pay clients and can offer a statement for insurance reimbursement for those with out-of-network benefits. We will be setting up Amanda’s online schedule system within the next week.

Send Amanda an email here or (if you hadn’t already) click here to read more about her in her own words. 

Meet Caroline Wilson, LCSWA (by Jamie Brazell)

I am thrilled to introduce Caroline and welcome her with (socially-distanced) open arms to Out of the Woods Therapy!

It is clear from the way that she writes and the way that she speaks that Caroline is incredibly bright. In the hours that I have already spent with her over the phone and over Zoom, I get the sense that she has many forms of intelligence - the book smart kind, the social kind, and definitely the kind of intelligence that therapists need most (the emotional kind). 

I have felt like I could talk to Caroline for hours quite easily. In my opinion (and this is also validated by research), one of the most critical components of therapy is the therapeutic relationship itself. It is essential for clients to feel that they can be comfortable bringing up anything to their therapist. Caroline offers what she and I have come to call a “start to safety” when forming a therapeutic alliance.  

Caroline demonstrates the kind of radically inclusive, intersectional-feminist values that are so very important to me and to our practice at Out of the Woods Therapy. People throw around words like “authentic” a whole lot, but I can think of no better word to describe how she shows up. She’s just so….herself. And I believe that inspires others to have the ability to show up confidently as themselves. 

Caroline and Fox, one of her favorite felines

We are working to have Caroline credentialed with BCBS and Aetna. In the meantime, she is available to see private pay clients and can offer a statement for insurance reimbursement for those with out-of-network benefits. It is easy to submit an appointment request by looking at Caroline’s calendar here. You may also email her here. 

To read more about Caroline in her own words, please see our about page.